I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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