i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
