I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
