I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
