You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
