I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
