I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
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