that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just cut my nipple shaving
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
