Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
