the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
