Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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