Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
