Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
did i walk over a car last night?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
