the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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