college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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