You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
