Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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