his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
