I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
