i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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