I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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