If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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