Someone shit on the floor
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You are the jesus of drinking
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
