I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
