I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
