you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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