dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
