u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
