the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
