Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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