She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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