Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
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The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think your dad took our porno
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize