Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
