Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
