Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Randomize
