You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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