It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
