i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
