Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
