Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
now i know why i became what i already was.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
