i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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