My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
