I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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