That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
