Me too!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
