He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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