i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
