My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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