I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
