My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
