break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
