I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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