Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
