I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
