You just made me feel so damn special
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Everclear isn't food dammit
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
