One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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