i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
