if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
