Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i drank out of a bidet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
