____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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