omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
