I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
