I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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