Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
